no vote

Can you believe it? I don't get to vote. And I really really really really want to.

http://www.michaelmoore.com

F Cheney

Yesterday on the floor of the US Senate, Vice President said to Senator Patrick Leahy, during "a frank exchange of views", "Fuck You". Enjoyably he said this on the day they were passing the "Defence of decency act", which is to prevent people from offending common decency throught profanity on the American airwaves.

the corporation

I'm just back from the movie "The Corporation". An interesting documentary about the origins and behaviours of Corporations today. Some pretty shocking stuff. Really shocking how possibly decent people, when they are acting on behalf of an entity which legally has most of the rights of a person, can behave immorally and deceitefully. You should go see it. Everyone should. I might have to force you to. Oh, and don't drink milk that has Bovine Growth Hormone in it.
Here's a link to some reviews.

signs in San Francisco

There's a tyre selling and fitting garage (shop? store?) that I pass on my way home from work each day on my bike. They have a nicely placed lot on a corner with a big sign on the corner, like an advertising billboard. It's some prime advertising space. However they never never never put up any kind of special offers, or deals or product mentions. Instead what they do is every couple of weeks they put up some amusing or enlightening quote. I wish I'd remembered to make a note of more of them, and who said them. They had one up for a while which said "It's not what you do that matters, it's what you do next", I can't remember who said it. At the moment there's a simple funny and probably old gag that made me laugh when I first saw it, and the next few times as well. "There are four types of people in the world; those that can count and those that can't ... OK, three."
Like I said. It's simple and probably old.

weather

The cab driver complained to me last night "well that's summer over" he said to me. It's mid June. It's California. It was the first cloudy day in a month probably. Cloudy. Not even a drop of rain or anything. "that's summer over". Asshole. He has no idea. It was cloudy in Ireland until I was 14. Then the sun came out. The people paniced. Thought it was an apparition. God had taken the form of a fiery disc in the sky. Sinners felt their skin going on fire. Burning red. They were blinded if they tried to stare at him. Truely a sign of divinity.

music

I'm getting so much out of music these days. I'm going to see more live music, listening to lots of new stuff. There is music to be downloaded from the internet, I've got my iPod. It's like ... it's like music is the new rock and roll.

labels

Check this out. One of the best things I've seen in ages.

http://www.snopes.com/business/hidden/tombihn.asp

Nice corporate subversity.

something special

She looked up at from our first kiss and asked "what is it about you? Is it the night, is it the romance, is it your accent?"
"Perhaps ... or perhaps it's the roofie I slipped in your cosmopolitan."
That conversation almost happened about a year ago. It would have if I'd been quick enough to think of the roofie gag. I think it's hilarious. Girls don't always. Seems that it's not cool to make jokes about date rape drugs. I dunno where the line is anymore.

beginners?

Tomorrow I'm takng a beginners sea kayaking course. I phoned up this afternoon to book it. I said, "beginners class please".
"No problem. Are you on our database?"
"I don't think so"
"Well, have you taken a course with us before?"
"Eh, no ... I'm taking the beginners course, isn't that the first one?"
"Well, some people come back and take the beginners class again."
"They do? Is it not very good then?"

finance

Like many people I was a little worried about potential rises in interest rates, or indeed the actual rise in the UK. So I spent some time this evening organising my money. Now all the notes in my wallet are in ascending order. Gives me a feeling of security knowing that things will be predictable when I open it next time. I'll sleep a little easier knowing one part of my life is organised.

twins

Just saw a comedian do a great gag.

Him and his wife have twin boys. He says, "We have the kid we always wanted, and one for parts".

extreme ironing

Bored? Well go to this site for Extreme Ironing.

"Welcome to the home of extreme ironing - the latest danger sport that combines the thrills of an extreme outdoor activity with the satisfaction of a well pressed shirt."

http://www.extremeironing.com/

5 years from now?

this was written by Seth Godin, a "commentator" and writer on business and technology.

"Five years from now...
Assume that:
Hard drive space is free
Wifi like connections are everywhere
Connections speeds are 10 to 100 times faster
Everyone has a digital camera
Everyone carries a device that is sort of like a laptop, but cheap and tiny
The number of new products introduced every day is five times greater than now
Wal-Mart's sales are three times as big
Any manufactured product that's more than five years old in design sells at commodity pricing
The retirement age will be five years higher than it is now
Your current profession will either be gone or totally different
What then?"

What indeed.

Comedy in Healdsburg

Did a comedy gig on Friday in the town of Healdsburg in the Raven Theatre. Great place, great crowd and I really enjoyed myself. Probably my best set to date. It's not quite my name up in lights, but I was one of those people that are referred to on the sign that is made of black plastic letters. So, someone elses name and not in lights ... but I'm getting there.

I had the pleasure of visiting Newport Beach a few weeks ago. It was for work, but I managed to get down to the pier one evening and wander around the beach. Beautiful place.

Chao Phraya Express

This is something that I wrote over a year ago during a trip to Bangkok. I just want to post it here as somewhere to keep it. It's longer than the postsI typically want to be making. It's an email I sent to friends from an internet cafe in Bangkok.

My ears are still ringing from my proximity to the engine on the river taxi I've just been riding for the last hour.

I headed out a few hours ago hoping to hang out in the area around the Koh San Road. The area famed for travelers and Leonardo di Caprio staying there. It's all budget accommodation food and bars. Thought I'd like it.
Being budget minded i decided to take the public river bus there. Being time minded I decided to take the express. I looked in the lonely planet for the stop to get off the boat and confidently bought my ticket. The Chao Phraya express is my vehicle. I board with confidence. My fellow commuters do likewise. Mine lasts a little too long. This boat costs only 10 baht. (25 cents, us or euro). Bargain! I'm standing there above the cabin between a commuter and a Buddhist monk (in Nike sandals by the way), the wind in our hair...well not in the monks, obviously. We make great time to the first couple of stops and I'm really enjoying myself. The sun sets weakly through the Bangkok smog and the night lights emerge as we power along the river. We go and go and go through the long river. "this is taking quite a while" I observe to just myself. I also remind myself what a wonderful adventurer I am as I keep one eye at each stop (port of call?) for the stop I'm looking for. I find myself doing this a lot. loads of times in fact. "This is taking much longer than expected" I observe once again. The buildings have started to thin out now and the sun has set some time ago. It's pretty dark. One side of the river has mainly trees and I notice planes taking off from behind us. The terrain is becoming like something from The Deerhunter. Actually that's unfair. There is a small town on the right hand side which pull up at. Everyone gets off. I think it best that I do as well. The last tourist got off about 30 minutes ago. We are literally at the end of the line. I wander a small distance away, looking dead casual. I'd hate for these total strangers to think for a moment I'm here by mistake. There are no other tourists. I'm as out of place as a pork chop at a bar mitzfa (sp). Strangly I can see nearby a large outdoor aerobics class going on. I managed to find a western rendering of this towns name and looked it up in the lonely planet. Except it wasn't there. Not in Lonely Planet!!! How f'ing far off the beaten track am I???? I fake this casualness for about 30 or 40 more seconds and then go back to the pier. But I don't panic, I'll just get the express back to the hotel where I got on it. Sure enough a boat pulls up. Between my broken English and the guy who is the conductor of the boat we realise, more to my dismay than his, that the last boat back has left long ago. Now is a good time for panic. As elsewhere in nature the vultures circle. I'm cut off from my herd, weak and vulnerable. "taxi" comes a voice from below me in a boat. "No, I'm fine" I lie.
Once again, I'd hate for anyone to think I got here by mistake. SF friends - imagine a Japanese tourist in Daly City pretending they're there for the sights. Irish friends, you see someone in Ballymun faking interest in the tower blocks. That's my position. I wander away as it dawns on me that should I get a taxi, it'll probably be more than my airfare from London to get back to my hotel. And there aren't any. I'm 60 minutes downriver by express boat, I don't know if that even converts into land time. I decide to go back and negotiate with the river taxi guy. "How much to the Shangri-La?" I ask in my least non-committal way. "700 baht". I'll give you 400. "No, 700". 500 I offer. "no, 700". "OK 700 it is, and that's my final offer". The guide book said these people liked to haggle or christs sakes. I take a deep breath and get in. The boat is long, about 18 feet and narrow...about the width of one me. It has the depth of about a tea tray. I'm exceptionally scared, yet optionless. I didn't mention that as we journeyed, what I now know was, out of the city you get all these small houses right along the banks of the river. They are sort of slums on sticks...with a river view. My driver heads off and takes me directly to the other side of the river, signaling with a torch into one of the houses. "So this is how I die"...is my first thought. My driver pulls alongside one of these tiny hovels and jumps out. We are tied to a makeshift dock and I'm sitting in the tea tray. "Crap" I think..."Seriously...Crap...this is bad". I'm sitting in a boat on the Chao Phraya river with a complete stranger, actually without a complete stranger, beside some kind of slum dwelling. I naturally think he's gone to get a flock of surgeons (I don't know the collective noun) who are going to rob me and then sell my body for the value of it's parts. I mean "my" parts.

I get out of the boat and up onto the tiny dock from where I look at my escape options. (don't panic reader, the existence of this record is proof that all ends well). I could swim across the river back where I came from (not really an option), or make a dash through the tiny alley of the other slums into god only knows what. Perhaps more worse criminals. So, in keeping with character I decide to stay where I am and be scared. Then, I see a figure come running though the alley in the darkness. I brace myself for combat, I'll go down fighting and scratching. Under his arm I notice that he's carrying something under his arm. A lifejacket...."for safety" he tells me and gestures for me to wear it. I've never changed my opinion on someone so much. From selling my body parts to being concerned for my safety, is quite the change. I like to think that I won him over with my charm from being an organ dealer to regular river taximan.

There's more.

We head off again. In the DARK...on a RIVER. It's terrifying. As you'll know I love danger and seek it out at every opportunity. Bungee jumping into pits of
crocodiles and base jumping from Killiney hill I'm always looking for tha next rush. The boat in the dark was great craic altogether. My driver had a torch, I not joking, which he used occasionally to illuminate us and to look for logs etc floating in the water. Occasionally. Sometimes he even used it to point out items of interest ot me on the shore. There were no other river taxis at this hour, just much larger traffic and general river debris. We were flying
along!!! Not long into the journey we stop again...to get gas, I'm told. He shouts something, which, with renewed paranoia, I presume means "organ delivery." After what seems like an age I see a backlit figure emerge from the alley carrying a pail. From my vantage point and with the back lighting I'm reminded of the maid from Tom and Jerry cartoons that we only ever saw up to the knee. this woman (?) came and emptied her pale into my captains plastic containers. Deal was done and we're off again into the darkness. I'm told that you shouldn't drink the tap water here. It doesn't take a massive leap in logic to think that's also going to be true of the river water. Any that splashes on me is treated as if it's acid. The rest of the journy passes as uneventfully as a 50 mile an hour boat ride in the dark can.
To be honest I was sorry when the journey ended.

Actually, to be honest I was glad to escape with my life.

This just goes to show you what can happen when you think you're too cool to look at your Lonely Planet map when you're riding the Chao Phraya Express.
Sorry to go on. Clearly nothing of any interest has happened to me for a very long time.

Greg

P.s. v. briefly ---- last night I saw a Thai Magician
in an Irish bar in Bangkok performing to the tune from
Benny Hill. Under normal circumstances this would have
got much much more detail. It pains me to leave it
out.

working from home

It's a fairly popular thing now, working from home. I think that it's only slightly less popular than not-working from home and also not working from work, which I've found myself doing a little lately. Taking advantage of the bandwidth and free coffee, I surf sites that I just don't make time for when I'm at home in the evenings, catch up on gossip, flirt a little. The day can go faily quickly if you do it right and can keep yourself busy.

a new dating low

I hit a new dating low recently. A girl broke up with me three days before our first date. It was like Bush invading Iraq before something happened. A pre-emptive break up. I managed to fuck up so badly arranging the date on the phone that she emailed me the next day to call it off and say that we were incompatible and she didn't want to see me any more.

I've learned from this and now I break up with women that I'm not dating. When I'm introduced to a new woman I'll go ... "Pleased to meet you, I'm Greg". Then I tilt my head, look sympahtetic and say, "We need to talk, it's not you it's me, I just don't like you 'in that way', I hope we can still be friends."

This approach I think is going to get me a lot of action. There's nothing like rejection to stimulate a womans interest.

googled

So I've been thinking about googling or being googled. This is something fairly popular amongst, I imagine, single people who look people up that they meet in bars, or that they go on dates with. Probably online dates. There's a chance that someone I've met is reading this because they googled me. My Hyena profile comes up pretty high on the google list so this may as well. It made me think about removing this site, or making it private and then inventing a blog that makes me out to be something else. Either a complete wierdo that is at odds with the person that they know socially. Or a ridiculously romantic fool that is in love with everyone or somesuch thing. It would be pretty funny. It would be funny to see if anyone said anything. Anyhow, just a thought. Which is what this is all about.

maturing by buying shoes

I was buying a pair of shoes recently and noticed that I was getting more mature. It was one of the first times that I was buying shoes and noticed that "how will they cope with a nights drinking" was not a factor in my decision making.
How will they cope with liquids, both on the mens room floor and general accidents around the bar? - this didn't even enter my mind, I bought them because of how they looked. I actually didn't care how comfortable they were. I guess I'm hanging around with too many women. I thought that I'd care more about comfort as I got older, but actually now I'll just get a cab home, I'm not worried about walking too far any given evening. Nor dancing too much. I keep that to a minimum. Occassional short bursts, but only if it's harder not to dance than to dance.