old routine

Here's a bit from the comedy routine I used to do a few years ago. I still kind of like it.

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Everyone was very worried about Y2K. But nothing happened.

Not like Y1K ... which was a complete fucking nightmare

999 to 1000, a 4th digit. Sure technology went mad.

Drawbridges were just banging up and down,

Ploughs ran around with minds of their own.

sundials were left blinking 12.00.

....

I hear that the ladies over here like man for his personality. For him to be interesting.

In the absence of an actual personality myself I use lies.

I want to seem interesting without the bother of becoming interesting.

I want to give the illusion of depth, to be sort of a human hologram.

I pretend I don’t have a television. I’ve 500 fucking channel.

“Survivor you say.? No, no you have me there…I’ve never heard of it, don’t have a TV you see. I’m deep and interesting.

I try to appear more interesting to the ladies by reading worthy books.

Well now I say “read”....

... But it’s more “carry them around” than read.
(Saves a lot of time)

Foreign ones are the best.

I’ll sit there in Starbucks, I don’t even like coffee....

with “love in a time of cholera beside me”. In the original Columbian.

and I’ll gaze in to space looking as if I’m digesting a thought or formulating an opinion. I don’t have opinions

I had one once but my body rejected it.
I got it from an “opinion donor”.
Of which there is no shortage in SF.

Sometimes, if unnoticed, I have to wave the book around in the air a bit.

"I’m sorry about that, I appear to have hit you with my copy of The Alchemist".

"In the original Brazilian by the way."

I have to hit some people several times before they realise just how interesting I am