names

A friend of mine recently named his son after another one of our friends. Cute? No. This is a divisive move. How many kids will he have to have before I get on the naming roster? Not enough, I fear. I'm going to have to do something devious. It came to me last night over dinner with a fellow evil genius. (Thanks SD)

A puppy called Greg.

I wait a couple of years, then give his family a cute little dog called Greg. It'll have been trained to respond only to Greg. His kids will fall in love with the dog and be shouting "Greg" "Greg" all over the parks and fields and streets of Dublin. "I love Greg", they'll be saying constantly. "I want to take Greg for a walk". One temptation is to make the dog a fairly gay looking one. Like a poodle or something like that. Two benefits 1) His sons are made look effeminate. 2) The kids will grow up and not be interested in the dog, but my friend will have to still take care of Greg the dog. Greg the dog will also be chosen for his predisposition for incontinence, moodiness and disagreeability. If it looks like a gay accessory, that'd be great. My friend will then have to take Greg the dog out for walks and look gay. His house stinking of dog pee. This is the most advanced planning I've ever had about any part of my life.

There is another possible dimension to this plan. That is every year give a new cute pet called Greg and give my other friends name to ugly pets. So it's "Greg the cute gerbil" and "**** the toad. "Greg the Goldfish", and "**** the snake". Bit cruel on the kid with my friends name, but the father should have thought of if before he went and started naming his kids after his friends.

Yeah ... he should have thought it through.